Feeling down days before stepping up on the "fourth floor"

Few days before my 40th birthday arrives, I'm feeling blue... deep blue. 

But the truth is there's no reason why. There are a lot of small issues flying around my head, but each of them, alone, is not enough to make me feel like this. 

I guess it is the sum of all things, then.

I already cried, when talking to my boyfriend -who didn't seem to understand me- and later with my sister, who prayed for me and made me feel better.

Still, I have no idea on what to do for my birthday. No clue at all. And today I am not in the mood to figure out what should I do to celebrate I'm stepping on the 'fourth floor'... even the idea of doing nothing seems perfectly fine for me today. But I know that I will want to do something for this special time, next week.

It's just that today wasn't a good day. And today I didn't want to think about my birthday.

I didn't want to think of my financial situation, and my sister's too.
I didn't want to think of my health.
I didn't want to think of what I can eat and what I can't.
I didn't want to think of my parents, far away.
I didn't want to think of my future and my relationship with my boyfriend.
I didn't want to think of the things I want and I can't get.

I just didn't want to think about anything today. Not even my birthday. 

Maybe tomorrow I will feel happier and I'll think of something I wanna do for my birthday. But today I just needed to cry...