Hey everybody! I used to think nobody read this blog, but I've found out that there are some readers.
This post is jus to thank you for your comments, your interest and your support.
May 2007 be a better year for all of us. May God bless your family and friends and fill you with blessings.
Best wishes, from the bottom of my heart.
PS: I changed the profile so now you can write your comments on this blog, also.
Lizz
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Burning the past
Pain is sometimes so strong that it still burns my heart. Each day, like it has been for more than two years, there's something that makes me think of him. But now I don't allow myself to hold the thoughts. Now I go back to those days in Colombia, I force myself to remember his attitudes, his words, his distance.
Never before we had been so close, physically, but so emotionally distant. I remember the times when distance meant nothing 'cause we were so close, in our feelings. But those days are gone. I guess they ended before I went to Bogota. And with that in my head, I throw away any thought of him and try to move on.
Day by day, there will come the time he won't be nothing more than a ghost from my past...
Never before we had been so close, physically, but so emotionally distant. I remember the times when distance meant nothing 'cause we were so close, in our feelings. But those days are gone. I guess they ended before I went to Bogota. And with that in my head, I throw away any thought of him and try to move on.
Day by day, there will come the time he won't be nothing more than a ghost from my past...
Friday, December 15, 2006
Hope floats
Just like that Sandra Bullock movie, I finally begin to breath some fresh air. I'm getting over it, my will is coming back, and so is my mood.
Maybe it is also because of the holidays and the days off I'll take with my kid at the beach, but I am begginning to feel better. I am leaving the wish to hear his voice and read his mails. I am finally thinking of him as some guy from my past, something that could have been but it wasn't.
Pain is going away, and also is sadness. My only sorrow is that, whenever it comes the time for me to get over someone, it usually means that there won't be another chance. Once I get over him, this story will come to its end. No going back.
Sorry J, you had me. All you had to do was keep me, and it didn't require a lot of you: you already had me. But you did nothing, and you let me go. Maybe you don't care, but if you do, I hope there won't be a day when you regret it, 'cause I won't be there anymore, for sure.
Maybe it is also because of the holidays and the days off I'll take with my kid at the beach, but I am begginning to feel better. I am leaving the wish to hear his voice and read his mails. I am finally thinking of him as some guy from my past, something that could have been but it wasn't.
Pain is going away, and also is sadness. My only sorrow is that, whenever it comes the time for me to get over someone, it usually means that there won't be another chance. Once I get over him, this story will come to its end. No going back.
Sorry J, you had me. All you had to do was keep me, and it didn't require a lot of you: you already had me. But you did nothing, and you let me go. Maybe you don't care, but if you do, I hope there won't be a day when you regret it, 'cause I won't be there anymore, for sure.
Friday, December 01, 2006
I will make it
Days go by and each day it is easier to get along with my life. Still, I keep on hoping to find that e-mail on my inbox, or your nick connected on the messenger.
But no message from you. The silence is growing higher and, at the end, I get to win over my sadness, day by day.
I'm gonna make it. I will be able to let you go, in the end. But not yet... not yet...
But no message from you. The silence is growing higher and, at the end, I get to win over my sadness, day by day.
I'm gonna make it. I will be able to let you go, in the end. But not yet... not yet...
Thursday, November 23, 2006
The way back
I have not written 'cause I feel tired and blue. I am confused, struggling with my feelings, searching for a reason to stay while I try to let you go, to get away from this.
I have no reason to love you but this love. I have no reason to let you go but the fact that you don't love me.
And, still, I keep on holding to this nothing, 'cause for some time it has meant my everything...
I have no reason to love you but this love. I have no reason to let you go but the fact that you don't love me.
And, still, I keep on holding to this nothing, 'cause for some time it has meant my everything...
Friday, November 10, 2006
The thought of you...
It happened again. I was with someone, in bed, but then it came your memory, and I couldn't enjoy it as I should have. In fact, he had some troubles down there, too. I was frustrated and relieved at the same time, 'cause I needed to fullfil some needs, but I was just thinking of you.
There is just one person that can drive your memory away... but he is as unreal as you: my young sweet muslim guy.
I can't go on like this. I miss you so much. I don't get it... what happened? And the truth is, you know, if you want it, if you ask me, I would go there as soon as possible, just to try it again, but this time, with all my heart, my will and my best attitudes.
I need you... I need this second chance for my heart miss you badly and it drives me mad to think that something went wrong and I don't know what is it, and that maybe we could have done better... and maybe then things would be different.
I want to say I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong. I want to understand what happened with you, 'cause I don't get it... I would do anything to have a second chance. And then, if it doesn't work, I'll let you go knowing that, this time, I did it all to be with you and yet it didn't work out.
But deep inside I guess there won't be a second time. We already had it and we lost it. Somehow it just slipped away and you let it go away as much as I did. If there's gonna be another opportunity we should both be willing to make it worth, otherwise it's a lost battle.
But then again, I already lost. I bet all my heart although I knew I had few chances to win. So, maybe I gotta recognize I am just asking for a second match, hoping that I will be able to score some points. But something tells me it's nothing more than great expectations. I may never see you again. We had a chance and we screwed it.
God! I would do anything to try it again... but I need to know he wants it too, as much as I want it... and I guess it's not that way, although it hurts me really bad.
There is just one person that can drive your memory away... but he is as unreal as you: my young sweet muslim guy.
I can't go on like this. I miss you so much. I don't get it... what happened? And the truth is, you know, if you want it, if you ask me, I would go there as soon as possible, just to try it again, but this time, with all my heart, my will and my best attitudes.
I need you... I need this second chance for my heart miss you badly and it drives me mad to think that something went wrong and I don't know what is it, and that maybe we could have done better... and maybe then things would be different.
I want to say I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong. I want to understand what happened with you, 'cause I don't get it... I would do anything to have a second chance. And then, if it doesn't work, I'll let you go knowing that, this time, I did it all to be with you and yet it didn't work out.
But deep inside I guess there won't be a second time. We already had it and we lost it. Somehow it just slipped away and you let it go away as much as I did. If there's gonna be another opportunity we should both be willing to make it worth, otherwise it's a lost battle.
But then again, I already lost. I bet all my heart although I knew I had few chances to win. So, maybe I gotta recognize I am just asking for a second match, hoping that I will be able to score some points. But something tells me it's nothing more than great expectations. I may never see you again. We had a chance and we screwed it.
God! I would do anything to try it again... but I need to know he wants it too, as much as I want it... and I guess it's not that way, although it hurts me really bad.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Reality strikes back
I am now back again in my city, with my people and my kid. Once again with the daily home issues and the sound of her non-stopping voice, struggling to gain some space in my head, for my mind is still at Colombia, thinking of him.
Somehow, although I know it didn't work out, I miss him a lot.
Anyway, it's not something I can't deal with. I'm used to it. I know how to swim in the blue lagoon and get to the shore, hurted, but safe.
Goodbye, my love. You'll always be in my heart, but I gotta move on...
"Your heart is not open, so I must go. This spell has been broken, I loved you so. Freedom comes when you learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no. You were my lesson I had to learn. I was your fortress you had to burn. Pain is a warning that somethings is wrong. I pray to God that it won't take long. I wanna go higher...
There's nothing left to try, there's no place left to hide. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye.
Your heart is not open, so I must go. This spell has been broken, I loved you so. You were my lesson I had to learn. I was your fortress...
There's nothing left to loose. There's no more heart to bruise. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye.
Learn to say goodbye. I learned to say goodbye.
There's nothing left to try, there's no place left to hide. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye. There's nothing left to loose. There's no more heart to bruise. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye."
(The power of goodbye, Madonna)
Somehow, although I know it didn't work out, I miss him a lot.
Anyway, it's not something I can't deal with. I'm used to it. I know how to swim in the blue lagoon and get to the shore, hurted, but safe.
Goodbye, my love. You'll always be in my heart, but I gotta move on...
"Your heart is not open, so I must go. This spell has been broken, I loved you so. Freedom comes when you learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no. You were my lesson I had to learn. I was your fortress you had to burn. Pain is a warning that somethings is wrong. I pray to God that it won't take long. I wanna go higher...
There's nothing left to try, there's no place left to hide. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye.
Your heart is not open, so I must go. This spell has been broken, I loved you so. You were my lesson I had to learn. I was your fortress...
There's nothing left to loose. There's no more heart to bruise. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye.
Learn to say goodbye. I learned to say goodbye.
There's nothing left to try, there's no place left to hide. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye. There's nothing left to loose. There's no more heart to bruise. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye."
(The power of goodbye, Madonna)
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Die another day
It is not working. Somehow, it is not working. I have this little sorrow in my heart 'cause I know it will be over as soon as I fly back to Mexico. He is so damn cold, and I am so damn passionate. The sad thing is that I am already saying goodbye, when I still have four more days ahead.
I will try to enjoy as much as I can, but then, on sunday, my heart will die again, for this love is agonizing.
All this time has been just a platonic, virtual love, far from reality. Now, reality has hit me, and I can see the truth.
Goodbye my love, thanx for all the good memories. You will always be in my heart.
I will try to enjoy as much as I can, but then, on sunday, my heart will die again, for this love is agonizing.
All this time has been just a platonic, virtual love, far from reality. Now, reality has hit me, and I can see the truth.
Goodbye my love, thanx for all the good memories. You will always be in my heart.
Monday, October 23, 2006
In your arms
We slept together last night. Just that: sleep. But it felt so nice and so warm I wanna do it again: lay in his arms and feel his heartbeat. I have not told him anything, but my heart is for sure falling more and more in love with him. This may not work for lifetime, I know, maybe not even for a short time, but I've decided I will have the best time I can. All I can hope is to bring back to Mexico the best memories I can... I know my heart will break, sooner or later, maybe a lot, maybe a little, but it will hurt sometime. So, let's stand up and enjoy, and get ready to be hit by the force of love.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Like a dream...
I just can´t believe I am here, with him, at his place. It is finally true. He is for real, and we are together now. My heart is happy now, although I fight to avoid falling in love. Not so fast, not like this. I can't allow myself to be fool again...
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
The T Day
Two days from now, the truth will be known. There's no going back now... and it is better this way. Soon, very soon, I will tell you what my nervous and fool heart finally discovered.
May God help me.
May God help me.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Behind a shield
As the time of truth comes closer, I begin running away from that moment I can't escape. It's the instinct of self-protection. I'm afraid of what may be, I am afraid of falling in love, I am afraid of suffering...
I am reaching the point in which I would like to step backward and skip this trip. But I need to go, I gotta find out the truth and close this book. I can't go on like this, with this guy always in my mind, but never in my life.
There's no going back now, and it makes me feel anxious and nervous, and weak and strong at a time. Instead of looking forward to meet him, instead of writting to him, I am now holding back, trying to keep my heart safe, although I know it's too late for that now.
There's nothing I can do but take a deep breath, find the courage inside me and take the plane to Colombia, where I will finally know the truth of what has been around my head for almost two years now.
I am reaching the point in which I would like to step backward and skip this trip. But I need to go, I gotta find out the truth and close this book. I can't go on like this, with this guy always in my mind, but never in my life.
There's no going back now, and it makes me feel anxious and nervous, and weak and strong at a time. Instead of looking forward to meet him, instead of writting to him, I am now holding back, trying to keep my heart safe, although I know it's too late for that now.
There's nothing I can do but take a deep breath, find the courage inside me and take the plane to Colombia, where I will finally know the truth of what has been around my head for almost two years now.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Point of No Return
DON JUAN (PHANTOM)
You have come here in pursuit of your deepest urge, in pursuit of that wish, which till now has been silent, silent. I have brought you, that our passions may fuse and merge -in your mind you've already succumbed to me, dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me -now you are here with me: no second thoughts, you've decided, decided. . .
Past the point of no return -no backward glances: the games we've played till now are at an end. Past all thought of "if" or "when" -no use resisting: abandon thought, and let the dream descend. What raging fire shall flood the soul? What rich desire unlocks its door? What sweet seduction lies before us? Past the point of no return, the final threshold -what warm, unspoken secrets will we learn? Beyond the point of no return. . .
AMINTA (CHRISTINE)
You have brought me to that moment where words run dry, to that moment where speech disappears into silence, silence. I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why. In my mind, I've already imagined our bodies entwining defenseless and silent -and now I am here with you: no second thoughts, I've decided, decided. . .
Past the point of no return -no going back now: our passion-play has now, at last, begun. Past all thought of right or wrong -one final question: how long should we two wait, before we're one? When will the blood begin to race the sleeping bud burst into bloom? When will the flames, at last, consume us?
BOTH
Past the point of no return the final threshold -the bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn. We've passed the point of no return. . .
(The Phantom of the Opera)
You have come here in pursuit of your deepest urge, in pursuit of that wish, which till now has been silent, silent. I have brought you, that our passions may fuse and merge -in your mind you've already succumbed to me, dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me -now you are here with me: no second thoughts, you've decided, decided. . .
Past the point of no return -no backward glances: the games we've played till now are at an end. Past all thought of "if" or "when" -no use resisting: abandon thought, and let the dream descend. What raging fire shall flood the soul? What rich desire unlocks its door? What sweet seduction lies before us? Past the point of no return, the final threshold -what warm, unspoken secrets will we learn? Beyond the point of no return. . .
AMINTA (CHRISTINE)
You have brought me to that moment where words run dry, to that moment where speech disappears into silence, silence. I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why. In my mind, I've already imagined our bodies entwining defenseless and silent -and now I am here with you: no second thoughts, I've decided, decided. . .
Past the point of no return -no going back now: our passion-play has now, at last, begun. Past all thought of right or wrong -one final question: how long should we two wait, before we're one? When will the blood begin to race the sleeping bud burst into bloom? When will the flames, at last, consume us?
BOTH
Past the point of no return the final threshold -the bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn. We've passed the point of no return. . .
(The Phantom of the Opera)
Monday, September 18, 2006
Frustration
I'm beginning to think something's wrong with me. I just tried to be with someone... but then he had to go, I didn't feel satisfied and now I'm all alone again, sitting in front of my computer.
I hate to think that lately the most pleasant experiences I've had, have been alone or via Web... this is terrible. I don't know if I will ever see you, and I can't go on like this. I have to get real.
There are some guys here but I don´t like most of them. And then, when I finally decide to be with someone, it just doesn't work. That's why I rather play alone, but in the end, I still need a body to hug and some lips to kiss.
And then again, right now there's no one here I want to be with. Yes, there are this guys I can just have sex with, but sometimes I would like someone I could also talk to. Hard, ah?
I want no commitment. I need sex. But I also want someone I can have some fun with, who is not boring, and satisfy me. I don't want a boyfriend but I don't want just sex... moreover if it doesn't satify me.
I know things could be easier if I wasn't like me: if I could really separate my emotions and my needs...
I hate to think that lately the most pleasant experiences I've had, have been alone or via Web... this is terrible. I don't know if I will ever see you, and I can't go on like this. I have to get real.
There are some guys here but I don´t like most of them. And then, when I finally decide to be with someone, it just doesn't work. That's why I rather play alone, but in the end, I still need a body to hug and some lips to kiss.
And then again, right now there's no one here I want to be with. Yes, there are this guys I can just have sex with, but sometimes I would like someone I could also talk to. Hard, ah?
I want no commitment. I need sex. But I also want someone I can have some fun with, who is not boring, and satisfy me. I don't want a boyfriend but I don't want just sex... moreover if it doesn't satify me.
I know things could be easier if I wasn't like me: if I could really separate my emotions and my needs...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Virtual insanity
Maybe the most stupid thing I've done lately is to push away a guy I know, who is real, just to keep my loyalty to the guy in my mind, who lives miles away from here and is only on the Internet... sometimes.
I just can't help it. I know I gotta put an end to this and move on, but since there is finally a date in which we will meet again, it's harder now to get him off my mind.
I am also aware of the big possibility that we will get dissaponted, but this time I'll take the risk.
I miss you every day...
I just can't help it. I know I gotta put an end to this and move on, but since there is finally a date in which we will meet again, it's harder now to get him off my mind.
I am also aware of the big possibility that we will get dissaponted, but this time I'll take the risk.
I miss you every day...
Saturday, September 02, 2006
In & Out of love
Well, I gotta recognize that, just that Alicia Keys' song, I keep on falling in and out of love with you. I got it clear now... I will just stop pushing things and let them happen. Time will say, then. And I just can't fight this feeling... it's better to let it flow.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Death end
What the hell was I thinking? It's obvious this is a one way road. All signs go from here to there, but there's no answer back.
All I have now is the possibility to walk all the way, till it's end, and then turn back and walk over my steps, close the road and move on...
All I have now is the possibility to walk all the way, till it's end, and then turn back and walk over my steps, close the road and move on...
Monday, August 28, 2006
So then, I'm a lier...
I thought I had already pushed you out of my heart and my mind, but the truth is that it only takes a few words from you to make me come back. I really miss you, no matter what. Beyond my will, my reason and my disappointments, what you made me feel almost two years ago is still alive.
I've told so many times it's over that now I must recognize I have just been lying about it. You are always in my mind, Jorge, always. And the feeling inside me, it's not fake. I've tried to kill it, but still, without success.
I am now looking forward to the last days of October, when we will be together again... finally.
I've told so many times it's over that now I must recognize I have just been lying about it. You are always in my mind, Jorge, always. And the feeling inside me, it's not fake. I've tried to kill it, but still, without success.
I am now looking forward to the last days of October, when we will be together again... finally.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Penelope
I waited for days, that turned into weeks and then into months. I stayed there until my heart froze, and I left, not willing to leave. I came back, then, and forced myself to wait a little longer... but one day I woke up and moved on.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
A little breath
Finally, some peace between Israel and Libano. May God help us to keep the peace for a long time.
Still, we have Congo, Chechenia, Irak, Iran, Afganistan, Colombia, and many other places all around the world to pray for.
Besides, the damage done won't just go away with the call for peace...
Still, we have Congo, Chechenia, Irak, Iran, Afganistan, Colombia, and many other places all around the world to pray for.
Besides, the damage done won't just go away with the call for peace...
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Camila
When she saw the news, she couldn't believe it... there he was, standing in the cornice of a tall building, threatening with throwing himself. Camile stood still. She had imagined that scene a thousand times, but she never thought it could become real. She never imagined, also, the sudden fear she felt: how would this story end? In her head, she knew the end, but the reality could be a lot different.
Her mind came back to the years she spent hours locked into the closet of her bedroom, building stories in which she had telepathic conversations with other living beings who, just like her, were dropped into this world for some mistaken reason, and then they had to learn to live within the humans, but always feeling that absence, that emptiness, that lack of belonging.
One of those days she met Mark, a young men who always felt like something was going on inside him, working in his blood to change him. Camile also spoke to Mariane, a girl who always talked about having an intense and strange attraction for sea life and she wanted to live in the water. Mariane was able to swim under the water for a long time, without any oxygen tank... she always said her destiny was to be a mermaid, but her family moved to the city, away from the sea.
Meanwhile, Camile's parents worried about her fertile imegination and, after several therapies, they got her to stop locking herself inside the closet. However, Camile kept having telepathic talks with Mark and Mariane and some other living beings she thought she created on her mind.
Little by little, she become more human and kept more and more distance to this mental talking, specially when Mariane confessed she ran away from home to follow her dream of living in the sea and Mark announced that his body was being modified and a pair of wings was coming out.
Camile sent Mark to fly away and drowned Mariane into the deepest of her mind... and she moved on, until that afternoon she saw the images on the TV. Standing in the roof of a known building was Mark. He looked even more beautiful than she ever imagined: brunette, long dark hair, strong and hairless chest, and a big pair of white wings, shinning under the sunrays.
Camile knew it was the first time Mark would try to fly. In her imagination, he always made it; he just lifted up over the buildings and flew away, to the clouds. But Camile worried that in the real life he couldn't do it. Then, it happened. She couldn't even scream when she saw him jump, for it was not the way she thought about it, over and over.
Mark fell and Camile got really scared for the few seconds it took to the camera man to follow the angel guy. Suddenly, those wings extended wide and began to move, lifting Mark up, above the buildings, towards the clouds...
Camile stood frozen watching that scene repeat on the news, but she was not listening to what the reporters said. She only had one thought in mind: if Mark was true, then her feelings were also true. She climbed up the steps to her building roof. There, she extended her arms to the sky and, with all the faith she got in her heart, she let herself to be lifted by the energy she had inside from a long time ago, ever.
She just felt like she was elevating. Some neighbors told they saw her vanish within the sunrays...
(Translation from my spanish blog, http://fuera-de-lugar.blogspot.com)
Her mind came back to the years she spent hours locked into the closet of her bedroom, building stories in which she had telepathic conversations with other living beings who, just like her, were dropped into this world for some mistaken reason, and then they had to learn to live within the humans, but always feeling that absence, that emptiness, that lack of belonging.
One of those days she met Mark, a young men who always felt like something was going on inside him, working in his blood to change him. Camile also spoke to Mariane, a girl who always talked about having an intense and strange attraction for sea life and she wanted to live in the water. Mariane was able to swim under the water for a long time, without any oxygen tank... she always said her destiny was to be a mermaid, but her family moved to the city, away from the sea.
Meanwhile, Camile's parents worried about her fertile imegination and, after several therapies, they got her to stop locking herself inside the closet. However, Camile kept having telepathic talks with Mark and Mariane and some other living beings she thought she created on her mind.
Little by little, she become more human and kept more and more distance to this mental talking, specially when Mariane confessed she ran away from home to follow her dream of living in the sea and Mark announced that his body was being modified and a pair of wings was coming out.
Camile sent Mark to fly away and drowned Mariane into the deepest of her mind... and she moved on, until that afternoon she saw the images on the TV. Standing in the roof of a known building was Mark. He looked even more beautiful than she ever imagined: brunette, long dark hair, strong and hairless chest, and a big pair of white wings, shinning under the sunrays.
Camile knew it was the first time Mark would try to fly. In her imagination, he always made it; he just lifted up over the buildings and flew away, to the clouds. But Camile worried that in the real life he couldn't do it. Then, it happened. She couldn't even scream when she saw him jump, for it was not the way she thought about it, over and over.
Mark fell and Camile got really scared for the few seconds it took to the camera man to follow the angel guy. Suddenly, those wings extended wide and began to move, lifting Mark up, above the buildings, towards the clouds...
Camile stood frozen watching that scene repeat on the news, but she was not listening to what the reporters said. She only had one thought in mind: if Mark was true, then her feelings were also true. She climbed up the steps to her building roof. There, she extended her arms to the sky and, with all the faith she got in her heart, she let herself to be lifted by the energy she had inside from a long time ago, ever.
She just felt like she was elevating. Some neighbors told they saw her vanish within the sunrays...
(Translation from my spanish blog, http://fuera-de-lugar.blogspot.com)
The nature of personality
Some people say that everybody has six twins in this world. My guess is that, when God decides to give life to a newborn, the vital fluid of life spills out and falls into seven different babies, not only one. From that time, the souls of that seven babies will be related, for their whole life.
The issue is that, instead of getting a full amount of characteristics, each baby will just get some qualities, which means that, ever since they are born, they'll be all their life incomplete, lacking one or several characteristics of their personalities, always feeling they don't belong here.
One of this souls may have aquired more spiritual force, but he lacks tenderness; another one may be a kind person, but he is also lazy. The one who is strong and decided may not be charming, and the charming one doesn't have a clue of what he is meant to be.
This way, the seven twin souls will go on, searching for the other ones, till finally some of them find. This is why people believe in soul mates.
But not all the babies will have the luck to find themselves, for this seven souls, created in heaven, are meant to live in the body of seven persons who may live in places far away from each other. They won't even born at the same time. Not even the great globalization phenomenon could find and put together this seven souls.
But there is still hope: when one of this seven dies, its soul will look for one or more of the other six, for it can't go to heaven incomplete. When it finds another of its twins, the characteristics it had will now be part of the other one. This way, somebody who has always been a coward, suddenly turns into a courageous man; and the one who is not romantic becomes then a poet.
The one of this seven souls who lives more than the other six will be lucky enough to end it's life as a complete person and, when he dies, its fulfilled soul will then be able to go back to heaven, where it will reunite to the fluid of life. It may have the opprtunity to fill a new soul, but, that time, it won't spill out, for it has learned it's not funny to split itself in as many parts as the rainbow colors.
Once I said so, I gotta say this is just my imagination. I don't believe that we have the chance to come back, or that God makes mistakes like the one in my story. And I think that if anything of this story was true there would certainly be a lot of people searching for their soul twins, to kill them and become stronger then, just like Highlander or Jet Li in The One.
But the truth is, there may be more than one who would like to know that there is a hope to aquire those characteristics we lack, like will, discipline, faith, commitment, courage, integrity, ethic, honesty, love, peace, strenght, decision, charm, tenderness, wisdom, vision, intelligence and tenacity, among others.
(Translation from my spanish blog, http://fuera-de-lugar.blogspot.com)
The issue is that, instead of getting a full amount of characteristics, each baby will just get some qualities, which means that, ever since they are born, they'll be all their life incomplete, lacking one or several characteristics of their personalities, always feeling they don't belong here.
One of this souls may have aquired more spiritual force, but he lacks tenderness; another one may be a kind person, but he is also lazy. The one who is strong and decided may not be charming, and the charming one doesn't have a clue of what he is meant to be.
This way, the seven twin souls will go on, searching for the other ones, till finally some of them find. This is why people believe in soul mates.
But not all the babies will have the luck to find themselves, for this seven souls, created in heaven, are meant to live in the body of seven persons who may live in places far away from each other. They won't even born at the same time. Not even the great globalization phenomenon could find and put together this seven souls.
But there is still hope: when one of this seven dies, its soul will look for one or more of the other six, for it can't go to heaven incomplete. When it finds another of its twins, the characteristics it had will now be part of the other one. This way, somebody who has always been a coward, suddenly turns into a courageous man; and the one who is not romantic becomes then a poet.
The one of this seven souls who lives more than the other six will be lucky enough to end it's life as a complete person and, when he dies, its fulfilled soul will then be able to go back to heaven, where it will reunite to the fluid of life. It may have the opprtunity to fill a new soul, but, that time, it won't spill out, for it has learned it's not funny to split itself in as many parts as the rainbow colors.
Once I said so, I gotta say this is just my imagination. I don't believe that we have the chance to come back, or that God makes mistakes like the one in my story. And I think that if anything of this story was true there would certainly be a lot of people searching for their soul twins, to kill them and become stronger then, just like Highlander or Jet Li in The One.
But the truth is, there may be more than one who would like to know that there is a hope to aquire those characteristics we lack, like will, discipline, faith, commitment, courage, integrity, ethic, honesty, love, peace, strenght, decision, charm, tenderness, wisdom, vision, intelligence and tenacity, among others.
(Translation from my spanish blog, http://fuera-de-lugar.blogspot.com)
Monday, August 07, 2006
Hopeless romantic? or hopeless at all?
I was just watching a movie and they said that distance can fire up the heat of the lovers, or it can cold up the fire until lovers forget themselves. Few minutes later, they said that a coward heart will never conquer the object of its love.
Mmmmm... and don't think I was watching a romantic movie, it was Disney's Robin Hood. Yes, the one with the fox and the bear. Too much wisdom for a children movie? Maybe not. If we teach children to fight for their dreams and loves since they are kids, it will be easier for them to develop in a competitive world.
I wish someone would have taught me to be a strong fighter. I've learned it on my way, but, still, I get frozen when it comes to build a relationship with someone I love. But, well, I'm speaking of building out something when I don't even try to get there.
I hear it very often and I tell it to others, and to myself, a lot: try, just try. Most of the times I don't even try. And then I regret it, over and over.
And because I feel I can't get somebody, I move on and fall in love with another guy. Same story, different moments, but the same end. Again and again and again... The worst is that, recently, whenever I feel there can be a possibility to build a serious, strong relation with someone I like, I get so frightened that I just run away... Yeah, not literally like Julia Roberts in Runaway bride, but I begin doing stuff to make that guy scare and get away.
The sad thing is that it works. They go. And then the time comes for me to stand in front of the mirror and look a lonely, scared but full of love woman. How long will I go on like this?
What it takes to change your destiny? What it takes to have the guts to change it? What it takes to be stronger?
Maybe I should begin by viewing it in my future. If you ask me where do I see myself in five years, I will tell you that I see me with a family. But if you ask me where do I see myself in 15, 20 or 30 years, the truth is I don't see me with a family... not even with a couple.
I think of me as somebody that, by then, would have raised one or two kids, and therefore I will be able to follow my own dreams to help people within my country, or maybe in some other places. And I think, in order to achieve that, it would be better for me to stay single, 'cause I won't be able to do it if I have kids to take care or a husband who will need me.
So, the real question now is... what is it I really want? Is it possible to have both of my dreams come true?
Mmmmm... and don't think I was watching a romantic movie, it was Disney's Robin Hood. Yes, the one with the fox and the bear. Too much wisdom for a children movie? Maybe not. If we teach children to fight for their dreams and loves since they are kids, it will be easier for them to develop in a competitive world.
I wish someone would have taught me to be a strong fighter. I've learned it on my way, but, still, I get frozen when it comes to build a relationship with someone I love. But, well, I'm speaking of building out something when I don't even try to get there.
I hear it very often and I tell it to others, and to myself, a lot: try, just try. Most of the times I don't even try. And then I regret it, over and over.
And because I feel I can't get somebody, I move on and fall in love with another guy. Same story, different moments, but the same end. Again and again and again... The worst is that, recently, whenever I feel there can be a possibility to build a serious, strong relation with someone I like, I get so frightened that I just run away... Yeah, not literally like Julia Roberts in Runaway bride, but I begin doing stuff to make that guy scare and get away.
The sad thing is that it works. They go. And then the time comes for me to stand in front of the mirror and look a lonely, scared but full of love woman. How long will I go on like this?
What it takes to change your destiny? What it takes to have the guts to change it? What it takes to be stronger?
Maybe I should begin by viewing it in my future. If you ask me where do I see myself in five years, I will tell you that I see me with a family. But if you ask me where do I see myself in 15, 20 or 30 years, the truth is I don't see me with a family... not even with a couple.
I think of me as somebody that, by then, would have raised one or two kids, and therefore I will be able to follow my own dreams to help people within my country, or maybe in some other places. And I think, in order to achieve that, it would be better for me to stay single, 'cause I won't be able to do it if I have kids to take care or a husband who will need me.
So, the real question now is... what is it I really want? Is it possible to have both of my dreams come true?
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Faithless heart
There's this song from a christian girl, named Amy Grant, that I like very much. I've been thinking of it today, 'cause I'm in a mood like the song.
Someone told me once that, no matter the distance, the important thing among us was the strenght of the heart. The thing is... my heart ain't strong if it doesn't feel supported. As a matter of fact, I have a weak heart. And this is why I feel so identified with the lyrics of "Faithless heart".
At times the woman deep inside me wanders far from home
and in my mind I live a life that chills me to the bone.
A heart running for arms out of reach,
but who is the stranger my longing seeks?
I don't know, but it scares me through an through
'cause I've a man at home who needs me to be true.
Oh faithless heart be far away from me,
playing games inside my head that nobody else can see.
Oh faithless heart, you tempt me to the core,
but you can't have a hold on me, so don't come around anymore.
God you know the feelings here could wipe my world away
ravaging the promises a stronger heart once made.
So hold me, I'm falling so fast and tell me that the fighting inside will pass as I walk away,
and find the strenght to choose the man who waits for me with a heart that's true.
Well... I've no man here, with me, but my mind keeps flying away and my heart keeps falling in and out of love just like a leaf in the wind. So, like the song says, I just ask God to help me and take care of my changeable, faithless, unfaithful and weak heart...
Someone told me once that, no matter the distance, the important thing among us was the strenght of the heart. The thing is... my heart ain't strong if it doesn't feel supported. As a matter of fact, I have a weak heart. And this is why I feel so identified with the lyrics of "Faithless heart".
At times the woman deep inside me wanders far from home
and in my mind I live a life that chills me to the bone.
A heart running for arms out of reach,
but who is the stranger my longing seeks?
I don't know, but it scares me through an through
'cause I've a man at home who needs me to be true.
Oh faithless heart be far away from me,
playing games inside my head that nobody else can see.
Oh faithless heart, you tempt me to the core,
but you can't have a hold on me, so don't come around anymore.
God you know the feelings here could wipe my world away
ravaging the promises a stronger heart once made.
So hold me, I'm falling so fast and tell me that the fighting inside will pass as I walk away,
and find the strenght to choose the man who waits for me with a heart that's true.
Well... I've no man here, with me, but my mind keeps flying away and my heart keeps falling in and out of love just like a leaf in the wind. So, like the song says, I just ask God to help me and take care of my changeable, faithless, unfaithful and weak heart...
Saturday, August 05, 2006
searching for a reason
I keep searching for a way to focus all the passion I've got. I usually fall in love, more than once in a year... but then, I gotta recognize it's not real love, just crushes... There goes my heart, crashing and crashing over and over, till it finally crashes and burns, like that Savage Garden song.
But all this things I feel inside go beyond the man-woman-and-couple-forever thought. I feel sorrow for the people suffering, and feel rage when I see things that are unfair, I also have this feeling to help people who can't defend themselves, like old people, kids, handicapped and even animals or plants.
We live in a tiny world and we are destroying it. And it worries me when I look around and see what will be the world my kid will live in. That´s why I keep on figuring out ways to help make it a better place.
Recently, I've had this strong feeling that I should do anything more to help people isolated by wars and natural disasters... and then, if it wasn't 'cause I have a kid who needs me so much, I would certainly be following Mother Teresa steps.
But... guess what? Although I don't want to get pregnant and have more kids of my own, today I got this funny feeling when I read about children without family in Middle East... what if... what if I adopt one of those kids?
I know, this is a crazy thought built out of my impulsive and ever confused feelings, but, believe this, the idea sounded so good to me that even I couldn't believe it.
As a matter of fact... is there a better proof of tolerance, respect and love for other people's beliefs and cultures than taking for yourself one of those kids and raise him?
Just a thought... time and God's Will in my life will help me out, whatever may be the choice, wether it is to find another way to help, or falling in so deep with this feeling that I finally end up giving my kid an adopted brother.
If there's any thing I could say to my readers, is to find your own way to help this world be a better place, for us, for our kids...
But all this things I feel inside go beyond the man-woman-and-couple-forever thought. I feel sorrow for the people suffering, and feel rage when I see things that are unfair, I also have this feeling to help people who can't defend themselves, like old people, kids, handicapped and even animals or plants.
We live in a tiny world and we are destroying it. And it worries me when I look around and see what will be the world my kid will live in. That´s why I keep on figuring out ways to help make it a better place.
Recently, I've had this strong feeling that I should do anything more to help people isolated by wars and natural disasters... and then, if it wasn't 'cause I have a kid who needs me so much, I would certainly be following Mother Teresa steps.
But... guess what? Although I don't want to get pregnant and have more kids of my own, today I got this funny feeling when I read about children without family in Middle East... what if... what if I adopt one of those kids?
I know, this is a crazy thought built out of my impulsive and ever confused feelings, but, believe this, the idea sounded so good to me that even I couldn't believe it.
As a matter of fact... is there a better proof of tolerance, respect and love for other people's beliefs and cultures than taking for yourself one of those kids and raise him?
Just a thought... time and God's Will in my life will help me out, whatever may be the choice, wether it is to find another way to help, or falling in so deep with this feeling that I finally end up giving my kid an adopted brother.
If there's any thing I could say to my readers, is to find your own way to help this world be a better place, for us, for our kids...
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Hello
This is not the first time I write down my thoughts and feelings in english, but it is the first time I publish them on the Internet so everybody can read them.
Few days after I published my first blog (http://fuera-de-lugar.blogspot.com), I thought of publishing something in english, but it wasn't until I met somebody who doesn't speak spanish that I decided to do it.
This blog will have some translations of the thoughts and stories I write in the spanish one, and it will also have some posts intended to be posted only in english. But you, the readers, can write me in english or spanish, whatever makes you feel better.
Sohail, you are gonna be the first reader. I hope you enjoy reading what my crazy head and my ever confused feelings have to say. Those nights when you can't sleep, come to the blog, maybe I will have a new story that will help you go to bed.
Big kiss and a great hug, from the heart of Mexico City.
PS: May I complain about something? The original name in spanish for my blog was taken just four days before I created mine. And that other blog has not been updated since april. Now, I wanted to have the Out of place nick for my english blog, and guess what? The owner of that blog has not updated it since... 2001! Life is not always fair, ah? Maybe I will begin creating blogs right now, just to win the names i want, hehehe.
Few days after I published my first blog (http://fuera-de-lugar.blogspot.com), I thought of publishing something in english, but it wasn't until I met somebody who doesn't speak spanish that I decided to do it.
This blog will have some translations of the thoughts and stories I write in the spanish one, and it will also have some posts intended to be posted only in english. But you, the readers, can write me in english or spanish, whatever makes you feel better.
Sohail, you are gonna be the first reader. I hope you enjoy reading what my crazy head and my ever confused feelings have to say. Those nights when you can't sleep, come to the blog, maybe I will have a new story that will help you go to bed.
Big kiss and a great hug, from the heart of Mexico City.
PS: May I complain about something? The original name in spanish for my blog was taken just four days before I created mine. And that other blog has not been updated since april. Now, I wanted to have the Out of place nick for my english blog, and guess what? The owner of that blog has not updated it since... 2001! Life is not always fair, ah? Maybe I will begin creating blogs right now, just to win the names i want, hehehe.
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