Reality strikes back

I am now back again in my city, with my people and my kid. Once again with the daily home issues and the sound of her non-stopping voice, struggling to gain some space in my head, for my mind is still at Colombia, thinking of him.
Somehow, although I know it didn't work out, I miss him a lot.
Anyway, it's not something I can't deal with. I'm used to it. I know how to swim in the blue lagoon and get to the shore, hurted, but safe.
Goodbye, my love. You'll always be in my heart, but I gotta move on...

"Your heart is not open, so I must go. This spell has been broken, I loved you so. Freedom comes when you learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no. You were my lesson I had to learn. I was your fortress you had to burn. Pain is a warning that somethings is wrong. I pray to God that it won't take long. I wanna go higher...
There's nothing left to try, there's no place left to hide. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye.
Your heart is not open, so I must go. This spell has been broken, I loved you so. You were my lesson I had to learn. I was your fortress...
There's nothing left to loose. There's no more heart to bruise. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye.
Learn to say goodbye. I learned to say goodbye.
There's nothing left to try, there's no place left to hide. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye. There's nothing left to loose. There's no more heart to bruise. There's no greater power than the power of goodbye."

(The power of goodbye, Madonna)

Die another day

It is not working. Somehow, it is not working. I have this little sorrow in my heart 'cause I know it will be over as soon as I fly back to Mexico. He is so damn cold, and I am so damn passionate. The sad thing is that I am already saying goodbye, when I still have four more days ahead.
I will try to enjoy as much as I can, but then, on sunday, my heart will die again, for this love is agonizing.
All this time has been just a platonic, virtual love, far from reality. Now, reality has hit me, and I can see the truth.
Goodbye my love, thanx for all the good memories. You will always be in my heart.

In your arms

We slept together last night. Just that: sleep. But it felt so nice and so warm I wanna do it again: lay in his arms and feel his heartbeat. I have not told him anything, but my heart is for sure falling more and more in love with him. This may not work for lifetime, I know, maybe not even for a short time, but I've decided I will have the best time I can. All I can hope is to bring back to Mexico the best memories I can... I know my heart will break, sooner or later, maybe a lot, maybe a little, but it will hurt sometime. So, let's stand up and enjoy, and get ready to be hit by the force of love.

Like a dream...

I just can´t believe I am here, with him, at his place. It is finally true. He is for real, and we are together now. My heart is happy now, although I fight to avoid falling in love. Not so fast, not like this. I can't allow myself to be fool again...

The T Day

Two days from now, the truth will be known. There's no going back now... and it is better this way. Soon, very soon, I will tell you what my nervous and fool heart finally discovered.
May God help me.

Behind a shield

As the time of truth comes closer, I begin running away from that moment I can't escape. It's the instinct of self-protection. I'm afraid of what may be, I am afraid of falling in love, I am afraid of suffering...
I am reaching the point in which I would like to step backward and skip this trip. But I need to go, I gotta find out the truth and close this book. I can't go on like this, with this guy always in my mind, but never in my life.
There's no going back now, and it makes me feel anxious and nervous, and weak and strong at a time. Instead of looking forward to meet him, instead of writting to him, I am now holding back, trying to keep my heart safe, although I know it's too late for that now.
There's nothing I can do but take a deep breath, find the courage inside me and take the plane to Colombia, where I will finally know the truth of what has been around my head for almost two years now.