This morning, before I woke up, I dreamt of him. We were at a party, and I was wondering wether to break up with him or not. Then somebody brought a cake. It was his birthday and we sang the happy birthday song for him. There was a gal next him, another mate from school. And after he blew off the candles, she looked at him and they kissed. It was a quick kiss, but I realized then he had something with her.I knew then it was over. I thought it wasn't necessary to speak to him, but then we met face to face. I knew I needed that talk to close the circle, for me. So I spoke. My heart was aching a lot and I tried to keep me up all together, but it was hard because I knew in his face it was hurting him too. His voice was weak and he had to take a few steps back to breathe.
I knew then what I know now: he sure likes me a lot, but he is not that into me to do what it takes to be with me, and he rather stay with his current life and the gals he uses to meet.
I looked into his eyes and my pain was soathed by this knowledge, though it still hurted me a lot. Then we kissed goodbye... a large, deep and heartful kiss...
Then I woke up.
I've been feeling blue all morning because I broke up with him in my dreams. That's something I gotta do and I may not be able to do it in real life, so I needed it to happen in my dreams.
It hurts me a lot to loose something that could have been, that must have been, but we lost it before it could even start.
But what is hurting me more, is knowing that I must do exactly what I dreamt the next time I see him...
