I never thought this could really be possible

There's a Stone in my mind, mocking of my thirsty tongue that reaches out, trying to get his...

I didn't think that kissing you for the first time would lead me to discover how close could I be of falling in love again. You would be a great partner. But your shield is high, and so is mine.
I'd better keep you as a friend, for I don't want to loose you as a partner...

September rain...

Just a fragment of one of my favorite songs: Guns 'n Roses' November Rain.

...nothing last forever and we both know hearts can change, and it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain. We've been through this such a long, long time, just trying to kill the pain, but lovers always come and lovers always go and no one's really sure who's letting go today... walking away...

Still here with me

Today I woke up thinking of you... again.
I still miss you.
I know you don't love me and therefore we won't be together. I know it very well.
It is not killing me anymore. I won't do anything to change it. It doesn't hurt me anymore.
I just miss you, for I really fell in love with you, and the feeling doesn't go away.
I don't miss you desperately... I am not sad.
But you are here, with me, every day, in every breath, in every memory...
I miss you, for who you are.
God bless you J, wherever you are...

Ready, set... go!

Ok, ok... time to move on. Let's do it.

Don't wanna go on...

I'd rather move on...

9 months

Today I realized it's been nine months since I went to Colombia. Nine long months that happened so fast it will soon be one year without you.
One year almost... nine months and I still miss you, I still remember the sound of your voice, the smell and the touch of your skin, the sound of your footsteps, and the look in your eyes.
It's been nine months and the wound in my heart is still opened. I still think about you every single day.
I remember every thing... like you will be 30 on september.
And now, I am beginning to think that I've never loved this way before. It's such a shame I had to learn to love like this with you.
:(

Backstreet Boys fade-out song

What do you do at this very moment when I think of you? (...)
Now look at me: instead of moving on I refuse to see that I keep coming back, yeah I'm stuck in a moment that wasn't meant to last.
No matter how I try to, can't deny it, you don't even know that I still miss you, I still care about you, though everything's been said and done. I still feel you like I'm right beside you... but still no word from you.

Stuck and broken

The pieces of my heart are missing you...
I am not fine.
I still miss you, 'cause deep inside me I know that I was quite sure I wanted you, your way of life, for me.
And it hurts me to know that I will never have it.
It's not that I lost something that I had... it is that I will never have what I wanted.
And, believe me, this kind of certainty doesn't come very often.
I now understand that wisdom phrase Clint Eastwood says in "The bridges of Madison"... and I think it's really true.
Just one final question in the air... if I had to understand that the real love is the one that lasts long after it ends, why did I had to learn it with you?

Forgiveness

Bigger than the power of goodbye is the power to forgive. And sometimes you can't say goodbye until you forgive someone. Really.
I finally understood it. I could forgive him, and myself.
Now, we may become friends again... :)

A zombie's death

Finally, it came the time for my own Resident's evil.
I said this love was death... I lied.
Every time he wrote me, my heart skipped a beat and kept holding on to this death-living love.
Today, at last, he shot my zombie feeling.
I don't know who she is, I don't understand why he sent me that pic, but for sure it was the silver bullet that was required to kill this strong, pathetic, freaking love...
Now, he shot me straight to my soul. He finally killed me. Thanks, J, for murdering the zombie inside me!
Die, my love!
Die, you stupid, freaking monster feeling!
Let my heart be free of the murdering chains that tied me to this sinking ship...
I will find my way out of this wreck. You go and sink to the bottom of the sea!

Is there a pirate for me?

I gotta admit it. I just love the way Orlando Bloom looks in Pirates of the Caribbean. I am a huge fan of Jerry Bruckheimer productions and I really admire Johny Depp, he is a great actor.
But, the truth is I just melt in my seat whenever Jack Sparrow or William Turner are on the screen. I just wish I was as lucky as Keira Knightley... and that beautiful and skinny too, by the way.
God... why are there so lucky women in this world? Whenever I think that there is no way one only person can have it all, I have to face people as beautiful and nice as she.
OK, OK... I can face the fact I am not as perfect as she is. But, is there a chance I can have a man like Orlando Bloom? Please, God! :)

Really?

You Are an Exotic Beauty!

No matter what your ehtnic background, you've got a unique look And your one of a kind beauty makes an imprint in every man's mind You hardly ever wear the same outfit twice, and your hair is always changing As a result, your look is always new and fresh - never outdated or stale

What Type of Beauty Are You?

And then, again...

Suddenly, the thought of you comes back again and makes me miss you. I don't want to... but, I still... Then I go back to the days when we met, I remember you exactly like you look on this pic.
I remember our chats, your SMS, your voice on the phone.
Then, I remember the space, the distance, and finally, there comes the days together at Bogota.
I think of you on your bike, I remember your footsteps, your smile, your laugh, your looks... I miss you so badly.
Then, again, I remember all the things we did, and the ones we didn't do, which led us to follow separate ways. I recall your rude behaviour and my silly expectations.
I move on. Sometimes I don't think of you. But then, someday, your memory comes back and I miss you again...

Take the quiz...

Your Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan!

You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

Tired, but happy

I am stressed aout with this new job, it is demanding me a lot, but it is also good, 'cause it aids me to accomplish my personal goals.
Yesterday I did something I thought I wasn't ready to do yet. I've been struggling with it, but I finally got the guts to stop temptation before it caught me.
Now, this struggling is making me anxious, I feel tired and I keep on eating like I was starving... I'm afraid I will get back the pounds I lost... :(

speechless

1. I am stressed out trying to deliver the things I couldn't deliver on time to my former job
2. My new job is demanding me to give so much more, and I am willing to do it but this will force me to reengineer my whole life
3. I am trying to commit myself to my duties on church, and it demands me more effort
4. The whole process of improving myself makes me feel better, but it is also killing me... I am feeling tired
5. Perhaps, just like the Bible says, it is time for me to die so I can reborn and then be just what it takes to fulfill my new challenges...

PS: Don't ask me why, but this week I thought of him again, and I missed him :(

Thanks for the memory :)

I've been longing for a nice, warm kiss. I finally had it: brief but tender. I may never see him again, for he lives miles away, south from here. But I'll keep the soft touch of his lips over mine.

stairway to heaven

In my search for an image that could express what I am feeling in these days of strong changes, I found this beautiful picture of a rainbow in a canadian field. What I liked most is that the rainbow seems to go from earth to heaven, like a bridge between men and God. That's exactly how I feel lately. God has shown me His mercy and I am grateful and happy. Best of all, people are noticing it, because of the peace and joy my face shows. Looking at this picture makes me remind of His promises and strenghtens my hope and my faith. This is only the beginning of the road, but I shall stick to His Word: He always finishes the job He begins. I've begun to taste the delicious flavor of His grace and now I want more. May God be with you.

Thank you Taavi!

Taavi, I hope you come back and read this. I forgot to add your blog to my favorites and I can't reach it through your nick's link, for you don't have a public profile.
Please, tell me your url so I can read you again.
Thanks a lot for your comments! I will try to find the book here.
God bless you!

Two monkeys

Once upon a time, a couple of cibermonkeys met on the Web. They went to a park, in Villavicencio, and had some fun there. But they did not live happily ever after...