Few days before my 40th birthday arrives, I'm feeling blue... deep blue.
But the truth is there's no reason why. There are a lot of small issues flying around my head, but each of them, alone, is not enough to make me feel like this.
I guess it is the sum of all things, then.
I already cried, when talking to my boyfriend -who didn't seem to understand me- and later with my sister, who prayed for me and made me feel better.
Still, I have no idea on what to do for my birthday. No clue at all. And today I am not in the mood to figure out what should I do to celebrate I'm stepping on the 'fourth floor'... even the idea of doing nothing seems perfectly fine for me today. But I know that I will want to do something for this special time, next week.
It's just that today wasn't a good day. And today I didn't want to think about my birthday.
I didn't want to think of my financial situation, and my sister's too.
I didn't want to think of my health.
I didn't want to think of what I can eat and what I can't.
I didn't want to think of my parents, far away.
I didn't want to think of my future and my relationship with my boyfriend.
I didn't want to think of the things I want and I can't get.
I just didn't want to think about anything today. Not even my birthday.
Maybe tomorrow I will feel happier and I'll think of something I wanna do for my birthday. But today I just needed to cry...
